What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
