I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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