It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
