OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
