Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
