I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
