What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
