Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
