My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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