Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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