i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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