Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
