Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
