i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
