carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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