i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
