a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
