Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
