I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My vagina is very pro this idea
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
