I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
