OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
