Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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