Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
