You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
