She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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