I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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