i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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