I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize