Jerry, you need to find god
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
