**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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