Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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