that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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