this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize