tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
