don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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