grandma shit on top of the toilet
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
