i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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