Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i think i just lost a toe
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
