the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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