shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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