Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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