I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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