If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
