So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
