so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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