here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
