I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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