im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
