i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
