I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
