the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
