I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
