She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
