Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
