It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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