my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
