im drinking this country out of the recession.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
