you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
50% drunk capacity currently
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
