Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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