Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
