I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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