You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
