you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
