Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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