and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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